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CHEMO CAFE February 18, 2011- Adrianna Grace and Jason Schwartz sit in the Maui Cancer Institute at Maui Memorial Hospital for yet another episode of the CHEMO CAFE. Adrianna has been going through treatment for ovarian cancer. She is three weeks away from completion chemotherapy treatments
Summary & Transcript Below…
The episode opens warmly with greetings and an introduction to the ongoing series of “Chemo Cafe” sessions hosted by Adrianna at the Cancer Institute on Maui. This particular session marks approximately the 18th installment of her sharing her cancer journey and treatment experiences. The host acknowledges the viewers’ continuous support and emphasizes the importance of maintaining that connection as Adrianna navigates her treatment.
- [00:20] Acknowledgment of Support and Ongoing Challenges
The discussion highlights that Adrianna’s journey is ongoing and that despite the many episodes, the need for support remains strong. Adrianna candidly shares her emotional and physical fatigue as she nears the end of her chemotherapy regimen. The session today takes place at the Pacific Cancer Center where Adrianna is receiving a blood transfusion, a procedure she initially found intimidating due to preconceived notions about who typically needs transfusions. - [01:05] Blood Transfusion Experience and Emotional Reflections
Adrianna describes her apprehension about receiving a blood transfusion, associating it with severe illness or trauma, which made the experience emotionally challenging. However, being there in the treatment setting while undergoing the transfusion brings a new perspective. She notes the practical setup of the transfusion, including the needle and tubing, and shares a lighthearted moment about her red outfit matching the color of blood, helping to lighten the mood. - [02:32] Fatigue and Physical Toll of Chemotherapy
She reflects on the cumulative toll chemotherapy has taken, remarking that each session feels more difficult than the last. Despite this, Adrianna expresses gratitude for her current condition relative to how it could have been worse. She conveys a strong desire to rest and recuperate, describing a sensation of being physically drained, akin to lying at the bottom of a pool struggling to swim to the surface. - [03:25] Resuming Exercise and Emotional Struggles
Adrianna shares a positive update about resuming swimming, signaling the gradual return of physical activity as part of her recovery. The conversation turns to the emotional weight of ongoing treatment, which often feels endless. Despite this, there is hope for a future phase of healing where the body and spirit can begin to recover fully after the chemotherapy ends. - [04:24] Visual Metaphors for Fatigue and Emotional State
Adrianna uses vivid imagery to describe her exhaustion, comparing herself to being stuck on hot asphalt, flattened by a steamroller, unable to move forward. She notes an ironic and poignant moment where she observes actual roadwork outside the treatment center window, with machinery flattening asphalt—mirroring her internal feelings of being physically and emotionally compressed. 
She further illustrates her emotional state by likening it to being trapped under a glass filled with mercury, trying to climb out but lacking the energy to do so. This metaphor captures the sensation of feeling stuck and depleted but still holding onto a will to overcome. The host reassures that a natural recuperation phase will follow, bringing renewed energy and joy.- [06:12] Support Network and Assistance Needs
The conversation shifts to the role of Adrianna’s support network, which is described as vocal and loving but lacking organization. Adrianna expresses the need for a volunteer coordinator to help streamline assistance efforts, including managing food deliveries, medication, and vitamin regimens. This coordination would help alleviate the logistical burden and allow Adrianna to conserve energy for essential activities like exercise and medical appointments. - [07:05] Practical Needs for Nutrition and Medication Management
Adrianna emphasizes the importance of nutrition and consistent intake of supplements during this critical final phase of chemotherapy. She acknowledges her current difficulty in maintaining these routines due to fatigue. The goal is to build a foundation of health that will support her recovery once chemotherapy concludes. - [08:02] Contact Information for Support Coordination
To facilitate aid, Adrianna shares her contact details, encouraging those willing to help with food preparation, medication management, or general support to reach out. She highlights that energy conservation is crucial and that help with routine tasks like housekeeping and correspondence would greatly benefit her. - [09:12] Challenges with Communication and Social Engagement
Adrianna discusses how her energy limitations have affected her ability to stay connected with friends and family through phone calls, emails, and social media. She expresses regret over the delays in responding but underscores that it is a byproduct of her current physical state rather than lack of care. The modern reality of digital communication is noted, with its demands on time and energy. 
Despite physical fatigue, Adrianna has begun journaling again as a therapeutic outlet and has started reading two books to stimulate her mind. She plans to consider joining a writing class with a friend, which may help her organize her thoughts and experiences into a book project. The idea of having a peer alongside her in this endeavor provides motivation and a sense of camaraderie.- [10:26] Community Support and Positive Environment
The host remarks on the warm reception Adrianna receives at the treatment center, where her positive attitude contrasts with the often somber atmosphere. Adrianna acknowledges that while she looks good on the outside, she is still in a healing phase, reinforcing the message that recovery takes time beyond the end of chemotherapy. - [11:20] Post-Treatment Plans and Family Connections
Adrianna outlines her plans post-chemotherapy, anticipating a month or two for her body to clear the treatment and regain strength. She looks forward to visiting her sister in Florida and reconnecting with family, especially after not seeing them since her mother’s passing. The trip includes stops in California to reconnect with friends and enjoy restorative experiences, such as visiting a winery and spending time in familiar communities. - [13:04] Current Limitations and Energy Management
She clarifies that at present, her main focus is on recovery and managing her energy, which is very limited. A blood transfusion is expected to boost her hemoglobin and energy levels within a couple of days, helping her better cope with daily activities. - [14:03] Medical Treatments and Innovations
Adrianna explains that in addition to chemotherapy, she is receiving Neupogen shots to stimulate white blood cell production, vital for immune support. She appreciates advances in treatment, such as her ability to receive injections locally through her primary care provider, which saves time and conserves energy. This marks a positive development in her treatment regimen. - [14:53] Gratitude and Recognition of Adrianna’s Bravery
The host expresses deep appreciation for Adrianna’s openness and courage in sharing her journey. Her willingness to be vulnerable provides insight and inspiration to others facing similar challenges. The positive feedback from viewers and friends underscores the impact of her transparency. 
Information is shared about ways to provide financial assistance through doorwayintolight.org, with contact details for those interested in supporting Adrianna. The host reiterates the value of community involvement and the sense of fulfillment derived from helping.- [16:50] Closing Remarks and Encouragement to Tune In
The session concludes with warm thanks to viewers for their continued support and encouragement to tune in to future episodes. The host conveys affection and optimism for Adrianna’s recovery, emphasizing the ongoing friendship and support that will continue beyond the treatment phase.
Summary:
This episode of Chemo Cafe offers an intimate glimpse into Adrianna’s ongoing battle with cancer, focusing on the physical, emotional, and logistical challenges of chemotherapy and recovery. Key themes include the importance of community support, the need for organized assistance with daily tasks, the emotional toll of prolonged treatment, and the hopeful anticipation of healing phases ahead. Adrianna’s candid reflections, combined with practical updates on her medical care and post-treatment plans, provide both inspiration and a realistic portrayal of the cancer journey. The episode closes with gratitude and a call to action for continued support, reinforcing the value of shared experiences and collective care for those undergoing cancer treatment.
00:00
Hey there, aloha. Welcome to another chemo cafe. Hi, aloha. This is the beautiful and always wonderful color coordinated Adrianna. Adrianna is here at the Cancer Institute here on Maui and we’re doing another chemo cafe here in February.
00:20
Yeah, so I think this is probably about number 18 now of Adrianna’s Chemo Cafe, and it’s been quite a journey. And I thank you so much, you and you, for going on the journey with me. Mostly you guys for keep tuning in. And remember, I think I should mention right up front, Adrianna has been doing this for a while, and it’s good that you keep tuning in because…
00:45
We know that you need still to get a level of support from our team out there, so I just want to make sure that up front I mention it, okay? Okay, you can. I’m tired of talking about it, but it’s still an active concern. I know, but that’s why I’m mentioning it, because I want to make sure that everyone knows it’s still a good thing to help Adrianna, okay? So this is number three.
01:05
01:33
I’m upset and feeling scared about having a transfusion because I’ve always thought of it as being for somebody that’s really sick, really old and feeble or, you know, somebody who’s been in an accident or an injury. And so it’s just been very confrontive. So now actually being here and having this drift is what’s going on while we’re talking. And we had enough time to film, so that’s why we brought Jason in here. As you can see from what’s
02:02
behind me this is this uh blood system that then is going into me and i have uh like a vein like a needle in my vein and then it kind of feeds into the long skinny blood tube so i thought it was just so great today i was wearing a nice red outfit anyway even though my uh just the same color as my blood well you know i’m thrilled to know that you’re at the
02:32
at the, what do we call it? The tail end. The tail end of this thing, because after the chemotherapy, hopefully then you’ll have a period where you’ll finally get a chance to relax and heal without having that kind of an invasion. I’m so tired. I’m really looking forward to that now. It’s like I need that. I wish I could do it now. Every single chemotherapy is harder than the one before, and I’m just in my whole body and my whole being, I just feel like I’ve had it.
03:02
I’m better than I could I mean I’m so much better than I could be so I have a lot to be grateful for but you know it’s like all I want to do is really rest and um yeah yeah I feel like I’m kind of laying at the bottom of the pool or something and that it’s almost like too much effort to swim to the other side you know
03:25
But I do. I just started swimming again yesterday in the pool. Oh, great. So the exercise program is going to be gradually put back in again. Oh, that’s good. That’s very good. Yeah. So do you have anything specific that you want to share? I know that emotionally this is just, you know, the thing just seems to go on and on and on and on, and then it goes on.
03:54
But we’re going to, like I say, now we’re going to hopefully start yet another phase of your healing. You look great. And I’m sure everyone that sees you has a different thought, but you look good, which is what we want to hear. And I know that in time you’re going to be feeling better and better and better. That’s what we all want, right? Yeah, I know. Yeah. See, I don’t feel like I look good. I’m just putting on, you know, an outfit and some makeup and…
04:24
all of that to kind of feel better. But I really feel, I had this image of myself on the way over here of just being, like lying down on some fresh asphalt, you know, that’s kind of still got some rocks in it. And I’m just kind of like stuck to the sticky floor and so tired. And I might even have the steamroller come and go just over me, you know, and I’m just whoosh.
04:51
But it won’t go over my whole head. It’s just kind of like, I just feel kind of flattened. And then I came in here today, and lo and behold, right outside the window, there’s a whole kind of like pool of wet asphalt and machinery that was, you know, kind of flattening it or doing its thing. And I just thought it was the perfect place.
05:14
accompaniment for what I had seen and felt. And you guys are going to see it here on the screen here in a second. There it is. See it? We’ll see about that. So, yeah, so there’s been the emotional aspects and the physical aspects of it. I was telling a friend, it was like, it’s like being on the bottom of where there’s like a glass and there’s mercury at the bottom and it’s like I’m trying to climb up the side of the glass to get out and I just
05:43
don’t quite have the oomph to like ride up and do it but somehow that’s what I have to do is just get up to the top of the glass you know and then I don’t know you know it’ll I think you’re right about the recuperation period before the feeling of like super energy and so you know joyously being alive and all of that I suppose that’s going to come and it’s a natural thing to happen I believe in nature
06:12
Well, I tell you, one thing that you definitely have is you have a really vocal support group. People, wherever I go, are asking me about, how’s Adrianna, how’s Adrianna? And I always let them know, Adrianna’s wonderful. You are wonderful. Thank you, honey. So, do you have help at home getting the things done that you need still?
06:37
07:05
and showing up on a consistent basis, but it’s not organized. So we’re, you know, looking at re-putting in place mold systems and getting some new things in. And there are things that are identified, getting the vitamins and the pills and the powders like a week in advance all packed up so that it’s easy for me to take. That’s hugely important because I…
07:27
Have been taking them, but I think I know I could be doing a lot more consistently if I had these things pre-done. And same with food. I need, you know, delivered food because I’m still too tired to cook. But I need good nutrition, you know, now more than ever as I’m in this last month.
07:48
I need to just really prepare myself so that when I get off of the chemo, I’m already at a certain level of health. So I’m really wanting to build from here if I can to the degree that I can. So the food is really important.
08:02
Let’s remember Adrianna’s phone number, 808-870-8168. And what’s your email? AdriannaGrace at gmail.com. That can help. Those would be great areas. So you need someone to help coordinate your food and your medicine and your vitamins regimen so that it can be easier for you and not have to be on your mind that you’ve got to…
08:26
do this extra stuff and don’t have the energy. Yeah, I need to save my energy for the things that only I can do, like I can exercise myself. I have to go down to my own appointments, you know, and things like that, but things people can help with. Some housekeeping and some late correspondence work, because I’m very behind in my phone calls, my emails, and my Facebook, and things that help me to stay in communication.
08:51
So many people call me, and they send their love, and they email, and I just, you know, I just haven’t had the chi to really, you know, write back or call back on a regular basis, and I feel like it’s never my intention not to. I always used to be so good at that, you know, so, but the energy is a big concern at this point.
09:12
This is the age of e-mail and stuff. You can go home and have hundreds of e-mails and, you know, your whole life you used to watch television. Now you spend three hours in front of the computer answering e-mails. Funny life we’re moving into all of this, isn’t it?
09:27
Have you been doing any writing or any thinking about what you’re doing? You know what I did is I started reading two books and I started keeping a journal again. My imagination hasn’t been fabulous for actually sitting down and writing. I haven’t felt to do it. My voice recorder needs to be fixed a little bit. So the journal writing has been a good way for me as an outlet at least to start writing.
09:55
getting some things done on paper. Maybe starting a writing class that will help me to put
10:02
my material into a book next week, so see whether I feel up to doing that. But my friend Soraya is doing it, and so I thought it might be a good incentive to do it at the same time she is. Oh, that’s good. Isn’t it funny? It’s good to have a buddy doing it with you. It makes all the difference in the world, whether it’s exercising or doing something like a class.
10:26
Yeah. Well, they all love you here. You know, you’re the, I guess you’d say, when people, when I walked in the front door, they said to me, oh, you’re here again. Oh, she’s doing so great. It’s funny, you know, I mean, like you say, you paint on a face and you come down here and obviously your good attitude here is much appreciated by them. I’m sure they see people with long faces all the time, too.
10:52
obviously, you have a period of healing still. We don’t want to have anyone think that, oh, she’s done with chemo, back to work, now comes some healing time. So that’s why I brought up about the help, because I want people to know that this is a process that still has some time to go here. Yeah, I figured it would be about a month and a half, two months after chemo, you know, before it all got out of my system, and I kind of…
11:20
sort of feeling some beneficial effects of having gone through that process and having it all out of my system. Yeah, it’ll be time soon then after that to visit my sister in Florida. Oh, good. Be close to the family in that way and help out where I can, but now it’s more just the unity of just being together in person.
11:41
You know, we haven’t grieved together in person. I haven’t seen the rest of my family since my mom died and all of that. So, you know, that’s a piece that still has to be played out. And stopping in California on the way there from Hawaii, it’s a good thing to do to not have to fly all the way to the East Coast because it’s a hard trip because it’s long and some plane changes. So I stay over in California from a number of days to a week
12:09
gives me pleasurable time to see my friends and have good interactions and healing experiences. And it’s very revitalizing for me being in the Bay Area, Northern California. And my friend has a winery there, Satori Vineyards, and a wonderful place to put me up. And I’m kind of part of the extended family there. And they have events every weekend and, you know, do very, you know, wonderful quality wines and
12:36
on that, so I’ll stay there, and then go up to Marin County, where I used to live, and have many connections. That’s great. And then off to Florida? Well, no, I’ll do, actually, I’ll do, like, Satori for one of the legs of the trip, and then I’ll go to Florida, and then when I come back, I’ll go to Marin County, I think, and just stay there then, and spend up to a week, you know, seeing people and whatever, and then just come back.
13:04
But that’s in a couple of months, right? Yes, yeah, I can’t do anything now. Right now you’re taking the energy to be working on you. I know, it’s funny. It’s like I can only keep my eyes open. They say that’s why I need the hemoglobin is it’s going to give me more energy. They said within two days I should feel it. Like I might feel tired tonight just getting used to it, but within like the second day most people notice a boost. So…
13:33
Well, this is, that’s amazing. You know, I’m not around hospital stuff much, but you picked the perfect match. I mean, you couldn’t have been better coordinated. Yeah, I tell you, I’m very proud, you know, for my job today. You know, we can, like, use it as a headband or, like… So, this is a blood transfusion, no chemo? Is that what it is? Yeah, no chemo. I already had my chemo this week. Oh. So, but they felt like I needed it before I could go on with my next chemo. I had to get the levels up high.
14:03
Oh, I see. I’m taking the Neupogen shots that are then boosting up my white blood cells, too. So that happens every day also now until my next chemo. So, what can I say? Every day? Yeah, the Neupogen shots are every day. They’re like five days before your next chemo. So you have to run down the hill every day? No, my primary care physician now in Macau, we have a product that they inject…
14:33
up there, so yeah. They said I was the first patient she knew of that was able to, you know, make that happen, so I feel pleased and proud to be able to do that. It certainly saves time and energy. Well, I want to remind you how much
14:53
We, those guys, and me, appreciate you allowing us into your world at such a sensitive time and sharing and showing your bravery and your, you know, you’ve really given us an insight into what it is to go through a process that, you know, not everyone’s going to go through, but people will. And you’ve been really inspirational. You’ve been getting emails. I’m sure you’re getting emails from people that appreciate
15:24
And I appreciate it, and I hear it from people how much they really appreciate your sharing and giving. So just know that. And we all love you, and we are looking forward to you being in radiant health. And we can’t wait for it, but we’re going to be here for whatever’s going on, and we’re going to be here and consistently here for as long as we need to be. And then we’re just going to be your friend, which is ongoing right now.
15:52
So also let’s remember the doorwayintolight.org, right? Is that right?
16:00
You know, if you want to give money to Adrianna, if you go through doorwayintolight.org and then send them an email. What’s the email? Just to Bodie? Oh, yeah, bodie at ipuka.org. At I, the initial I, puka, P-U-K-A, dot org, is to follow up after you go to doorwayintolight.org.
16:22
into light.org and pledge some help to Adrianna financially. There are all kinds of things that we all can do and, you know, there’s a real good feeling. I enjoy doing this. This is my pleasure to come and see you. It’s my way of ensuring that I see Adrianna because I’m running around all the time. So thank you for letting me do this. You know, it’s like I make sure that I get a chance to see this beautiful woman all the time. Mm-hmm.
16:50
And not everybody can, so you get to tune in. It’s really wonderful, so thank you for doing that. And I guess we’ll conclude now. Okay. So I look forward to seeing you next week, and thanks for tuning in again. Aloha. We love you. Bye.
